Accepting the Wilderness

𝙒𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨…
A word that does not
sound positive or promising.

I imagine that it is

a lonely,
dry,
heavy,
neglected,
isolated
place.

I heard someone share their story
of being in their spiritual wilderness.
Giving me the language of what
I am experiencing.
God used their story to help me recognize
that I have been living in the
𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 for quite some time.

I can especially pinpoint the beginning
of my 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 to my long-covid health journey. 

My struggle with faster healing and recovery. The pain my body experienced and still holds. My brain fog and hardship with concentration. My fatigue and lack of desire led me into difficult moments with the Lord—difficulty accepting my “new” self.

Tears, anger, and loneliness seemed like a daily experience.
And even God’s silence and slowness in my life were frustrating.

Over the next few months
I continued to meditate on this word.
Finally, admitting to myself that I was…
I am in the 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨.

At first,
I tried to use a different word
to describe my experience.
I was in denial because who wants to be in such a place?

But when I admitted and accepted this
lonely,
dry,
neglected
dwelling.

I also accepted
the beauty of silence,
the sweetness of stillness,
the freedom to heal,
the joy of solitude,
and the ability to hear Jesus speak in the 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨.

His tenderness
His care
His rest
His provision
His peace
are with me
in the 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨.

I don’t understand it all, 
but what I’m experiencing with Jesus in the 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨
is a depth that I do not find anywhere else.

I am not alone in this place.
I am seen.
I am looked after.
I am safe.
I am secure because, He is constantly with me.

I am on a journey through the book of Psalms this year.
And it has been guiding me in the 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨.

I enjoy what Psalms 16 says,

“I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.” That is why “my heart is glad, and I rejoice. My BODY rests in safety. He shows me the way of life, granting me the joy of His presence and pleasures of living with Him forever.”

How long will I stay in the 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨?
Idk…

I know that I would rather be in the 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 with Him,
for it is more peaceful there than in any other place without Him.

I want to share more about this spiritual wilderness in my next posts. 

I plan to share more about this spiritual wilderness in the coming months. Stay tuned for the next word…